” Can’t stay in the same place, life is not a rerun.”
I was strolling the city streets for a breath of fresh air and to enjoy the summer night and came across this abomination in a store window. I am glad i quit when I did because if I didn’t I would be a victim of legal extortion. Then I got to thinking what if I didn’t have the willpower to kick. I would probably still be complaining and just going along with the ruse. I promised myself that if a pack ever went above $5.00 I was going to quit and I did. It wasn’t easy at all and by no means am I downplaying the many efforts it took me to chuck the deuces. Funny how never notice how ingrained something is in your daily routine until you try to get rid of it. The first jack in the morning got me prepared for the day; the jacks after meals settled my stomach and was the icing on the cake to a good meal. There is no feeling in the world like smoking a cig after a turbulent prayer session to the porcelain god or an intense sexual encounter.
When I use to get ready for a night of socializing involving liquor a fresh pack use to have to be on deck or else the libations wouldn’t be the same. During my heavy weed days the jack would always send you to another place after a quality session with the homies while pondering the mysteries of this life. I remember looking for the spots the had singles when I didn’t have money for a whole pack and hearing through the grapevine which spots had the buy one get one free. But then again I know better know. Funny how if enough time passes your brain puts sunshine where clouds lingered constantly. That time in my life was horrific. Most of the things and people from then live on in my memories. I am not blaming them for anything in the least bit because I chose to go through those things when I knew better but didn’t believe I was worth anything. With all that being said I had a ball in hell.
The urge still hits me somedays. Some days I think about getting some loud and a pack of cigs and kicking back. But then thought of how I could use that time more productively smacks me in the back of my head like some sort of divine reinforcement. The boredom of the straight and narrow is suffocating somedays. Some days I miss the chaos, the beef, the game of cat and mouse but then I realize that peace is boring. Peace is what I prayed for when I was walking through hell and now that I have had it for awhile I forget the pain from time to time. C’est La Vie. Thank you addiction. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have know my inner strength and willpower to conquer you. When you conquer something you gain a certain clarity you didn’t possess before. The crown waits on no man.